Oh boy, is this going to be a long one… But I can guarantee you it will be one of the best things I’ve ever written as well. Yeah, sure… Most people that I know are still expecting from me to post cute gooey romantic things, so I’m sorry to break your expectations (if you were expecting this) but that guy is somewhere lost in the midst of his own words. The thing is that I came to a very interesting conclusion one of these days, which got me thinking so hard that everything I’ve posted around here seemed irrelevant. Don’t get me wrong here the things I’ve written in the past are not false in anyway, but nowadays the do not represent me, they do however are a painting of the person I was when they were written, but now? Not so much.
I’ve spent a couple of hours deliberating with myself why I’m single for so long now, and yeah I’m fond of some of the real reasons people are single in this day and age, but none of them fit me right now. For those who are unaware of timelines, my last real relationship ended over two years ago. I say real relationship because for a brief period of time I had this one girl last year that motivated posts like “Always“, a chick that was the most toxic thing I’ve been into since methamphetamine. Sure, it could seem like a stretch but this girl was like a bad drug, made me feel dependent of something again and it was super tough getting rid of it from my system.
Since my last real relationship I’ve never really committed myself to being a sole companion for anyone (sorry about that toxic girl, but you weren’t exclusive, and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t either so fuck it), though maybe some hearts along the way got mislead because of how I super intimate I can get whenever I’m with someone, I was always around every single opportunity that the single has to offer. The thing is, between these years I’ve learned the easy (let’s say super easy) way why I’m still single. And the reason that I’m still single is because… drum roll, please… I couldn’t care less about anyone who I’ve been with since my last girlfriend. Yeah, I know, it seems harsh, but don’t lose me out on this one, I’ll try to explain myself.
There was this one girl, and let’s call her Sarah for the sake of convenience. Sarah was someone I met shortly after my last relationship crumbled to the ground for good. Sarah is awesome. Really, this girl is funny, beautiful, and what some people would call “the full package”, but there was a very small, but at the same time important thing missing: I didn’t liked her like that. Don’t get me wrong, to this day she is one of my most closest confidants and I couldn’t imagine my life without her, truly, she even approves this being written about her, although she disagrees of my compliments saying she, and I quote: “…just wants to sleep all day.”
Sarah is an important person in my life and also motivated a few couple of posts on this blog, but Sarah wasn’t the one. And I know, it seems shallow saying things say like: “So you let an awesome girl go away because she wasn’t the one?” Yeah, what an asshole I am. The thing is: I’d rather be single, than making someone sad with me. And as already said, she’s still a part of my life, just not like that. I’ve grew tired of seeing so many people let other people go away just because they aren’t fucking anymore, or saying you like someone and once you get rejected sexually being completely absent from their lives. To me, that is the true mistake, and at the same time a confirmation of why wouldn’t work at all even if something did happened in the first place.
As of this moment, I’m flying solo. And I’m loving every single minute of it. The fact that I do not imagine myself with anyone, or even think of someone is an amazing experience that I’m enjoying for the first time in my 29 years of living. I’m not giving up on loving someone, but I’m not going to have someone around just because it feels nice. And neither should you. If you want to give up being solo, make it for the right reasons.